A week of talk in sport has been dominated by both exaggeration and understatement as reality has been eschewed in favour of quotable soundbites. It's what this column is all about so rather than mock Audley Harrison for showing about as much aggression as a Buddhist monk on a spa retreat we'll congratulate him on having a mouth faster than Usain Bolt on heat.
"Nowadays you have a game Saturday, Tuesday, Saturday, Tuesday. There's no room in that time frame to go out on the lash and get smashed, the way you used to."
Rio Ferdinand reins in his debauchery."You are talking out of your hat. I would like to say out of your ass, but that's a donkey and I don't like having a go at donkeys. If some bright spark from the Premier League, or Barclays Premier League as we're supposed to call it, wants to come down and have a chat and a cup of coffee...you'll probably get it chucked in your lap."
Ian Holloway on accusations he fielded an under-strength side against Aston Villa.
"Footballers are role models but I'm not even a role model to myself. I have to take responsibility for what happened."
Joey Barton shows considerably more self-awareness than 'A-Force'.
"Joey and I have nothing unsettled. I'll even invite him to dinner next time he is in Manchester. It happened in the heat of battle and it was over when the match was over."
Morten Gamst Pedersen proves to be the world's most placid man.
"We don't talk. We played one year at Arsenal without talking."
Samir Nasri looks forward to catching up with old pal William Gallas in Saturday's North London derby.
"Fabregas has apologised and Wardy has accepted it like a man. It's like a throw-back to the days when you've broken someone's nose and you buy them a pint at the bar."
Mick McCarthy gets nostalgic for a time when men were real men.
"I can't get upset every time the fans chant someone's name. I can only continue to do the best job I can under these circumstances. If the club decide they want to give the job to someone else I have to accept it." Roy Hodgson issues a less-than-stirring battle cry.
"Hopefully England will stop worrying about what the sponsors are going to say and thinking Goody Two-Shoes is the right image for Team England. They need to start picking players to win football matches."
Joey Barton champions Andy Carroll's England cause.
While Fabio Capello issues some advice of his own:
"This is a big chance. To play with the senior side and to change his lifestyle. I hope he will understand what really happens when you play with the seniors. I have spoken to him about what he has to do during the game. I haven't spoken to him about his private life but I will. Everyone makes mistakes when they're young. He's 21. A lot of people drink, no?"
"The fans were not happy, but do you think if you play with four strikers it means you will score four goals? If you think like this, you don't know football."
Roberto Mancini responds to those fans who booed his decision to take off Carlos Tevez against Birmingham with seven minutes left at a time when they were chasing a winner. Still, Gareth Barry's a goal threat...
"For me, Robert Pires was, before his injury, the best left sided player in the world. With us, he used to literally fly."
'Literally', Arsene?
"Most footballers are high maintenance."
Cardiff boss Dave Jones comes out with the understatement of the year.
Or should that accolade go to Carlo Ancelotti?
"It was a surprise, strange result," he said after Sunderland left Stamford Bridge with a 3-0 victory that if anything flattered the home side.
via SKY Sports
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